A red-faced traveller took to Reddit to explain why you should ‘not go through security with an erection’ under any circumstances, while he hilariously added that chancing ‘even a slight chub’ is playing with fire.
“This is not a joke, I’m trying to warn other dudes if they are ever in this situation,” he wrote.
The 26-year-old fella explained that he was departing from an airport in the US state of Nevada after visiting his girlfriend when the awkward situation occurred.
“I have a long distance relationship, I don’t get to see her much but when I do we take full advantage of our time together,” he noted.
As couples who are geographically separated will know all too well, you’ve got to make the most of every second and every smooch, so the pair shared a romantic snog before they left each other.
The traveller explained that this makeout session left him a bit hot and bothered, which isn’t ideal when you’re heading into an airport.
He explained in the post: “When she dropped me off, we were kissing, making out in her car before I left. I had a SLIGHT chub still, dudes know what I mean by this.
Airport scanners use anonymous body avatars nowadays, but a red circle over your privates still isn’t great (David L Ryan/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)
“I was scared, it was going away but too slowly, of course the one time there is no line. I put my hands up and did the scanner, I look at the screen, and THERE IS A HUGE RED CIRCLE around my private area.”
Now I don’t know a lot about airport security systems, but it’s safe to presume that a ‘huge red circle’ showing up on screen doesn’t have positive connotations.
As the machine suggested it had detected something on the man’s person that required further inspection, he was taken to the side for a pat down from airport security.
After being searched by one staff member, the man claimed a supervisor then trotted over to give him the once-over too.
The flier then confessed: “I was just with my girl, my bad man.”
He said that security then told him he was ‘good to go’ and sent him on his way – with a belly full of embarrassment.
Reflecting on his airport ordeal, the social media user wrote: “It was the most humiliating experience I have ever had in my life.
“I thank God I will never see those guys again (they were good dudes) and I pray no cameras were recording me or anything. It was awful.
“I’m 26, usually my erections subside quickly but this was just awful timing.
“The more I thought and worried about it before, the slower it went away. God that really f***ing sucked, but my gf is finishing residency and moving back to me. I will never have to experience that again.”
So lads, make sure you say your goodbyes to your other half long before you get within the vicinity of the airport if you want to avoid an experience like this.
What do airport body scanners actually see?
Cast your minds back to the Noughties and early 2010s, and you might remember widespread panic after it was revealed that airport scanners were virtually stripping passengers, generating near-naked images to check for concealed items.
Thankfully, these were phased out in 2013 after Congress demanded greater privacy protections.
Former TSA customs officer Eri Jenkins told Reader’s Digest: “The body scanners provide a nondescript avatar image of the human anatomy. Images reveal items that might be on skin or inside clothing.”
Shawna Malvini Redden, an author who’s written about the TSA, added: “With millimeter wave machines that have the privacy software installed, TSOs are only seeing this outline with a green ‘clear’ or a red ‘stop and check’ signal.
“If someone has something in their pockets, for instance, the machine will put an alarm note in the paper doll’s groin region so the officer knows generally where to search.”
Unfortunately, rather than a contraband item, sometimes that red ‘stop and check’ signal can be triggered by a hot and bothered man.