A relationship specialist and mental health therapist has shared two main reasons why couples are opting for the soft swapping lifestyle over other forms of swinging, and how they can make it work.
What is soft swinging?
Soft swapping is a form of swinging, in which couples engage in intimacy with people outside of their relationship or marriage, without going as far as full penetration.
It can involve kissing, touching, masturbation and oral sex or being intimate in the same space as another couple, but never involves full sexual intercourse with anyone who isn’t your partner.
Why soft swapping over full swapping?
With soft swapping seemingly growing in popularity for couples who are curious about opening up their relationship, therapist and relationship specialist Shelly Dar says it is often seen as the ‘entry level’ into non monogamy.
“Psychologically, it feels safer, a way to explore curiosity and novelty while keeping a tighter hold on boundaries,” she told LADbible.
While working with couples herself, Dar has noticed two main reasons why people choose to enter into soft swapping.
“First, it can add excitement without triggering the same level of jealousy or insecurity that comes with more open arrangements,” she explained.
“Second, it lets couples tell themselves: we’re exploring together, not replacing each other. That sense of control is key.”
Soft swapping becoming mainstream
Dar says that mainstream media has fuelled the rise in interest into open relationships, particularly shows like Channel 4’s Open House: The Great Sex Experiment, where couples go to a luxury retreat to test whether being intimate with others would strengthen their relationship.
However, these shows don’t necessarily portray an accurate representation of what consensually non-monogamous relationships look like.
“They frame non monogamy as fun, playful, and even glamorous,” Dar explained. “What viewers don’t see is the emotional hangover afterwards, the boundary setting, the awkward conversations. I’ve seen many couples struggle with this, those parts are just as important as the thrill itself.”
For anyone who might be considering entering into an open relationship, whether its by soft swapping or going even further, the relationship expert has one key piece of advice.
“Get clear on your motivation. If you’re doing it to add adventure, be honest. If you’re doing it to fix cracks in the relationship, that’s a different story and often where problems start,” she said.
“And whatever you decide, the conversation you have afterwards matters more than what happened on the night.”