To further understand what women may or may not be looking for, sex expert Lucy Frank said that the ‘problem usually isn’t frequency itself’.
“For many people, sex is where they truly feel chosen, wanted and connected,” the psychosexual and relationship therapist explains.
“When sexual connection works, it often reflects broader relational health – and when it struggles, it’s usually a signal that something else needs attention too.
“Sex is not about frequency, performance or penetration. It’s at the heart of being human and our need for connection.”
What women want in the bedroom
“Many women want more presence – eye contact, extended touch without agenda and space for arousal to build naturally,” adds Frank.
“They often want sex to feel less predictable and more response to what’s actually happening in the moment.”
She’s noticed three common problems based around ‘goals, emotional detachment and a lack of curiosity’.
“Many women describe sex that feels rushed, penis-centred or oriented around orgasm rather than shared pleasure,” Frank says.
“When sex feels like a task to complete or a goal to be reached rather than an experience to share, desire often fades.”
For men who feel unsatisfied
A good sex life is a team effort and Frank suggests to men who aren’t feeling satisfied to be more open with their partner.
“Start by getting curious rather than defensive,” she says. “Talk openly about desire, fantasy and dissatisfaction without blaming.
“Good sex is built through collaboration, not silent frustration or assumption. And most importantly, that sex does not have to mean penetration.”
The biggest misconception, Frank notes, is this idea that good sex is just ‘effortless’, like it seems in porn.
“In reality, the best sexual relationships are built through communication, flexibility and ongoing learning. Desire changes over time and adapting to that is a skill, not a failure,” she adds.
“When couples stop seeing sex as something that should ‘just work’ and start treating it as a shared language they can keep learning together, everything shifts.”