But it is quite the opposite, actually, because according to the author of The Committee of Sleep, Deirdre Leigh Barrett, there are several harmless reasons behind such dreamworld endeavours.
“Dreams just don’t observe those boundaries [that you’d follow in real life],” Barrett told Women’s Health Magazine.For context: bedding company Amerisleep’s 2022 study found that over 20 per cent of women had experienced cheating dreams in the past 12 months.
If you’re having trouble with your sleep-time unfaithfulness (or your partner’s), Barrett advises that the best thing to do is to establish what you consider ‘cheating’.
What did you do, exactly? How did it feel in the dream? Was there a sense of ongoing affair about it, or just a one-time thing?
Barrett says that if anything in your waking life offers the same feeling as in the dream, this could blow open the ‘metaphorical’ meaning of it, as your ‘associations may lean toward being unfaithful to something about yourself’.
Dream analyst and member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD), Lauri Loewenberg, also shared on the matter, telling the publication: “In my research and experience helping my clients understand their cheating dreams, I have found the main reason you cheat in your dreams is because—deep down—you have guilt or concern about something you’re doing that is taking away from the time you should be putting into the relationship.”
Loewenberg name-checked a lack of excitement or passion in relationships as a mitigating factor behind the guilt-ridden dreams, too, as well as a history of infidelity.
“Cheating dreams are rarely about sex but are, more often, a brutally honest reflection of the dynamics within the relationship,” she pointed out.
“Infidelity can be traumatic and very difficult to heal from. Even if it has been years or decades since the transgression, the emotional scar often remains. This includes the scar of guilt with the transgressor.”
Meanwhile, if it is you being the person getting cheated on, then a reason for this could be the feeling of a ‘third wheel’ in your relationship, as Loewenberg adds: “It’s often something your partner is giving their time and attention to that causes you to feel left out and ‘cheated’ out of that time you want with them.”
While stressing that cheating dreams are normal, Barratt recommends communicating with your partner if it is deeply affecting you.
“Talking about things in transparency and in an engaging way is the most helpful thing,” she advises.