Yup, the guy I broke up with six months ago after catching him sneaking around with his “work friend” Amber. There he was, sneaking up and jamming toothpicks into my lock like some DIY saboteur.
I didn’t call the cops. I called Connor.
Tall, tattooed, and chaotic in the best way, Connor used to be my brief fling turned long-term friend. He had a plan: Stage a dramatic scare. So, the next evening, I left the house loudly… then snuck in the back where Connor waited in my pink bathrobe, wielding a wrench.
At 7:11 p.m., Josh returned. Toothpick in hand. As he reached for the lock, Connor flung open the door, half-dressed and intimidating as hell. “You must be the toothpick fairy!” he said.
Josh turned ghost-white and ran.
I caught him at the end of the driveway and demanded an explanation. His response? He thought sabotaging my door would make me need him again. Like a damsel in distress.
“The good times,” he said, “maybe you’d remember.”
“The good times?” I laughed. “You mean the ones where you lied, cheated, and gaslit me?”
Connor stepped in. “Leave now, Romeo. Or the cops are next.”
Josh left. But I wasn’t finished.
I uploaded the footage to TikTok with the caption: “My ex keeps jamming my door lock with toothpicks. Here’s what happened when we introduced him to my new man. 😈🤣”
The video blew up. 3 million views. I didn’t reply to Josh’s angry email—but I did forward it to his boss, who happened to be Amber’s dad. He was soon “pursuing other opportunities.”
Two weeks later, Danny helped me change the locks—not because I had to, but because it felt symbolic.
Connor brought over pizza to celebrate. “To small victories,” he toasted.
“And idiots who think sabotage is romance,” I added.
Turns out, sometimes all you need for sweet revenge is a toothpick, a wrench, and a viral TikTok.
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