A person who identifies as ‘graysexual’ revealed that the moment they released sex wasn’t a big part of their life.
The vast majority of adult humans would be considered allosexual, which is a person who experiences sexual attraction towards others, be it heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or others.
In contrast, asexual people (which is estimated to be around one per cent of the population) have no sexual attraction or desire towards others.
However, things are actually a little more complicated than a simple black-and-white ‘do you want to have sex or not’, which is where graysexuality comes into play.
As the term ‘gray’ suggests, graysexual people experience limited amounts of sexual attraction or desire, or experience some form of desire but not enough to act on it.
As previously stated, a graysexual person experiences a limited amount of desire. Graysexuality is viewed as being somewhere on the asexual spectrum, which also encompasses asexuality and demisexuality. Last year on I’m A Celebrity, N-Dubz singer Tulisa revealed her demisexual identity and that she needs to establish a ‘close emotional bond’ with someone before feeling any desire.
However, the term is often misunderstood, meaning that graysexual people can often experience stigma regarding their sexual preferences.
For anyone who believes they may be graysexual or interested in exploring the identity further, there is a growing online community as well as numerous people sharing their experiences.
In a recent post on the r/greysexuality subreddit, one user asked other members of the community about the moment they realised they were graysexual – and their experiences typically link back to their teenage years and show a long journey to understanding their preferences.
“I had crushes, but they’re very few and far between. Like decades. They usually don’t last long either,” penned the original poster, adding: “I’ve felt true sexual attraction maybe once in my life. When I see someone attractive, I don’t have that ‘I’d hit that’ internal feeling. I just want to be near them.”
They added: “When my first boyfriend tried touching my boobs or butt I hated it. I told him to never do it again. I liked him romantically at first but I was never in love with him.”
They concluded they ‘didn’t realise’ that they weren’t allosexual until they reached adulthood.
This experience wasn’t unique, with other users also recalling confusion when it came to hearing about their peers’ sexual desire.
“I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things that I didn’t want to do,” read a second reply. “I ended up hearing about asexuality through YouTube and that lead me to reading about other’s experiences and that lead me to greysexuality. The label just felt like it fit for me.”
Meanwhile, a third person revealed the ‘lightbulb moment’ came for them when beginning to date.
“I realised that what I thought is being attracted is actually more ‘well, this person is kinda likeable’. When it came to touching and kissing and all that I hated it,” they explained.
A fourth said: “I had such little interest in sex that I thought I was full-blown ace for a while, but maybe once every 2 months or so it would… turn on, so to speak. And only during these episodes would I want to have sex or even really think about it.
“I like the vagueness [of] calling myself grey, I think it’s comforting to have a relatively broad way to describe something so weird and specific.”
