With more people sharing intimate details about their lives online than ever before, it can be difficult to know what’s ‘normal’ behind closed doors.
Just how often should you be getting it on?
It can feel like everyone else is doing it way more than you, or maybe you’ve got a complex thinking you’re a ‘sex addict’ after seeing other people’s confessions online about their love lives.
What really goes on under the sheets is anyone’s best guess, as people can often exaggerate (or minimise it), but experts have shared what they think the average is.
Married At First Sight star and sex and relationships expert Charlene Douglas told LADbible that it’s a really common question.
“So oftentimes, I’ll go to a bar and people will find out that I’m a sex therapist and they’ll say to me, ‘How many times should you really be having sex, like, in a week?’
“And they’re all waiting for my answer. Everyone leans in, waiting for me to give that number to work out whether they’re in the normal range or not.”
However, she says there isn’t a ‘sexual script’ to follow.
Douglas says, ‘Statistically speaking’, once a week is the average frequency for most couples.
Surprised?
She said the number can increase or decrease based on things like stress and financial struggles.
“If you’re not having sex in your relationship, it doesn’t mean it’s all doom and gloom. It might just be that you need to have a conversation if that is important for you,” she said.
So what happens if it’s less than once a week, or maybe not at all?
It impacts more people than you might think.
According to one study, 22 per cent of women and 16 per cent of men aged between 16 and 74 aren’t getting any.
Long periods of abstinence might cause some physical changes to happen, according to experts.
For women, that can include experiencing dryness.
Dr Narendra Pisal, a consultant gynaecologist at London Gynaecology said: “The vaginal lining is dependent on oestrogen and with declining ovarian function and reduced levels of oestrogen, the vaginal glands stop producing mucus fluid and moistness. As a result, the vaginal lining becomes dryer and more delicate.”
The expert added: “Keeping an active sex life where possible is much more likely to help with a healthy vaginal mucosa.”
Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney’s sex and relationships expert, told Metro that men might experience random erections: “Spontaneous or nocturnal erections are completely normal, and they happen whether you’re sexually active or not.”
“During celibacy, they can actually be a reassuring sign that everything’s functioning as it should. They’re not necessarily linked to sexual frustration or unmet desire; they’re just a physiological process, much like stretching your muscles after a long day.”
However, it’s not all bad, as celibacy can also improve some people’s mental health.
“For many people, it’s a time of rediscovery – focusing on self-care, confidence, and pleasure in other forms, from solo exploration to emotional connection,” says Annabelle.
“Everyone’s needs and timelines are different, and periods of celibacy can be really positive for some people.”
It can also boost your immune system.
According to Medical News Today, abstaining can not only boost your immune system, but it can also reduce blood pressure and lower stress levels.
So, if you’re going through a dry spell, try not to worry too much.
